Almost 4 weeks ago, on December 16th, I lost my truest love and boyfriend of 2 years, to suicide.
I have always considered myself a strong person but I find that belief, and many others, to be shaken as of late.
I have never been loved so much, or loved so much, in all of my 20 years.
A shadow of despair and sorrow have set over where the sun used to set for me.
It feels as if a rotted lump of cancer has taken the place of a once beating heart, inside my chest.
Every single day is a struggle beyond strength and endurance, to move out of bed and find the will, or might to go on.
Life was a journey - a glorious, healing and growing journey, until he decided to end it all.
I doubt I will ever forgive him for this, and I know I will never forgive myself - All those times and nights he saved me, yet I couldn't save him. Grief and woe have replaced all other emotions felt.
The heartache is irrevocable......
And I know Andrew would want me to live, thrive and be all I dreamed to be, behind closed eyelids.
He would want me to live life for the both of us, find it in myself to forgive him and pick up the pieces.
But this isn't something you "heal" from. This isn't something you plan to cope with.
There is nothing more valuable or dear that could have been taken from me.
When he pulled the trigger, he took me with him.
In loving memory of Andrew Dalton Salsman.
Auf wiedersehen zu meine wahre liebe.
Te extrano y te quiero mucho.
Nov. 13. 1991
Dec. 16. 2013